Identity

Solid

by Prosperous Domingo

Solid as a rock, but I still have a soft spot –

Even a soldier’s tears drop.

A baby, a break-up, or when a heart stops –

whether I’m the biggest or the baddest or not.

Somebody’s always got me caught up –

not much with bucks when I was brought up.

Hustled up – couldn’t depend on luck –

instead that’s when the curtains shut.

I duck n’ dodge come to this mirage –

found out it wasn’t, it was a pod.

I thought hell was hot –

But here I am drownin’ in my sorrow of thoughts.

My family, my baby, my homie is what it cost.

My people needin’ me but I wasn’t there to help –

tellin’ my girl she needed to bounce.

I count these days away, continuin’ to pray –

Askin’ the Lord make sure my baby’s safe.

I can’t bear the bad news in this place –

time I waste, years I face, fightin’ this case.

If everything goes right, then I’m a put on the brakes –

calculate all my mistakes.

Suffer with pain, love, n’ hate –

cuz’ without it everything for granted I take.

I’m solid as a rock, but sometimes a rock needs to break.

If You Really Knew Me You’d Know…

by Luis Martinez

There was no one around when I was hungry, there was no one around when I was being hurt. There was no one around when I needed money, there was no one around but myself. So, I had to do the things I did, like steal, lie and cheat; it became a better life. Soon I forgot about the painful life I lived and began with the new. I started stealing from stores, cars and people. Soon I was living in a different world, one I was comfortable in. I could get easy money and I didn’t have to suffer or put up with any of the pain that was caused by a junky mom or absent dad. I could finally take care of myself and provide for my brother and sister.

I got so caught up in that mentality that all the things I did seemed right until I came to jail this time. I started going to the Comienzos classes, and they brought up all of the issues in my past. At first I was really scared. The classes made me examine myself and I realized that I needed help because my way wasn’t working anymore, it just landed me in jail and then back out to do the same. I need therapy and counseling – jail hasn’t taught me anything other than how to pick up new habits.

I never had goals in my life until now. One is to raise my family right and to help kids so they don’t have to live the life I’ve lived.

My Childhood

by Lawrence Cuellar

            Growing up as a kid for me was actually a pretty decent childhood. My earliest memories were of my entire family from both sides getting together at my parent’s home for all of the holidays, from Thanksgiving to the Fourth of July. The adults would drink all day and night while playing horseshoes and cards. I can remember, down in the basement, my uncle Manual hustling the other family members at dice, and the rest of them would just kick back and recall old stories of their childhoods and past holidays.

            As for us kids, brothers, sisters and cousins, we would all be running around in different groups. My oldest brother and cousins would smoke weed in the garage until my dad and uncles would were drunk, then they would start raiding the beer and bottles in my dad’s bar room, which was his pride and joy. He had built it all himself, from the eight bar stools to the custom ten foot bar topped with a kick guard rail and a built-in keg with a gear shift tap. All of the bottles of wine and spirits you needed to make whatever drink you wanted.

Then there was my sister and my girl cousins. To tell you the truth, I never really knew what they did because they were always locked in my sister’s room. This brings me back to my middle brother and my two cousins, Victor and Robert. They were the ones who would try to hook up with my female cousin’s friends who would come to our house with them. Every holiday there were at least four friends that my primas would bring. I don’t know if my brother would set that up with them or what.

Last but not least came myself and my cousins Phillip and Vicente. We were the youngest of all the family, and our day consisted of trying to tag along with my brother Andrew and our two other cousins so we could see titties too. But they were real haters because more times than not the females were game but they just weren’t having it. So as the evening would wind down the three of us would sneak into my jefitos bar and fill up a 32-ounce cup full of beer and share it, acting like we were the shit.

This is how my childhood went for a while until my parents divorced when I was 12, and that was when life as I knew it started to change forever. Nothing was the same. No longer were there family gatherings at our house, and as a matter of fact my dad’s side and my mom’s side never talked or saw each other on joyous occasions again. Also, I never lived with my dad after that, and two years later, when I was 14, I was kicked out of the house. I went to live with my sister and brother-in-law, and he gave me an ultimatum – I could either go back to school or start working, so I chose to work. I did roofing for the next three years and moved into my own place at 16. That was the end of my childhood.