Ink

by Lawrence Jaramillo

To me, ink is so much more than what I am writing with right now. Ink is all over. It starts from my eyebrow, and continues from my collar, down my chest, flowing down my shoulders to my sleeve line, then continues again on each forearm. My back has been started but is nowhere near done; neither is my chest or my arms. To be honest, ink is the one thing that kept me clean and sober for so many months; off of meth and alcohol. They say that when you put down one addiction, you pick up another. Tattoos, they was my fix. The feeling of the needle poking my skin a thousand times a minute is just so real…it’s just a good feeling. Sometimes it hurts. Other times it feels great. But all of the time it’s cool, because you know that when you’re done, there will be something great left in the place of the needle. Whether it’s color or just black and white, I love to see other people’s ink. I get ideas from them; it’s always nice to see something new. My fix is not yet finished, and thinking about it makes me want to be free even more, to be out there getting more work done. I already have my two tattoo artists to work on this canvas, so I can’t wait. But for now, I watch for someone new to come into the pod, all inked up, and check out the art on their skin. So if you ask me what I think about ink, I’ll say, “Fuck yeah!”…give me more, more skulls, maybe some flames. Tattoo my chick naked down my side. Finish off my back, and shave off my other eyebrow, replace it with skulls. Give me ideas to put on my skin, whatever seems cool. My mouth waters when I think about it! When I get out you can be sure I’ll get my fix. Ink – I need it, I want it, I love it…give me more, give me ink.

How it Should Be, how it is

Lawrence Jaramillo

Because I don’t have any kids of my own, my nephew MG is the most important child in my life. He is only 13 or 14 months old now. MG is the happiest little boy I have ever seen. At this time he has the best, most awesome mother, and his dad, who is in prison. There are some wonderful people who surround him every day, but at the same time, a lot of us, including me, have our problems. These are some problems I would hate to see him experience when he gets older. I would love to see him play sports, like Little League baseball, YAFL football, or maybe even soccer.

            I can see it now: him turning 5 years old, all his family there, like his mother, grandpa, even grandma, his cousins, if he ends up having more than just one by then. His aunties and uncles, including D. and me. This would mean that we are both out of jail…hell yeah! Well I picture a huge barbecue. Lots of love, food, drinks and fun going around. It would be nice if there was no dope there. But let’s keep it real, this is Albuquerque down in the South Valley. So let’s say maybe just some blunts and alcohol. I can see some of the family playing volleyball over to the side, some family and friends tossing a football back and forth down the way. Others, like my girl and I, eating and having fun bullshitting with the kids. I picture a place where there is no pain, no tears, no hurt and no suffering. Just love and laughter. But by picturing this, I’m imagining what it will be like in Heaven. That would be nice, but we all know that’s not the case. Cousins will be beating up cousins, some one will get hurt and shed tears, others will get drunk and stupid. D. will probably beat her mom’s ass like usual, and of course drag me into the middle of it all. Other than that though everything would be great. The love will be there, and the happiness will follow. The presents for MG will be opened and appreciated mostly by D., his mom. D. is the best mother he could ever have. Smiles fill the part where the barbecue is being held. This would make it look like a Colgate commercial or the biggest Kodak moment I have ever seen. The one thing that would make me happiest would be my mother and my girl D. truly getting along. They are the two people I love most, and I would like to see them showing love for one another. This would be the way it should be. No bad choices, no bad things happening to the loved ones. This would go on every year, with new baby faces, and those who had been there the year before just one year older. Everyone is doing good for themselves financially, physically, and most of all, spiritually. Amen.

Precious Moments

Lawrence Jaramillo

I was in a forest; could not remember what day or even what year it was. “Is this reality?”, I asked myself. “Why am I here?” As I started to look around, I noticed distinctive things like the birds flying and chirping. Some call it singing to the happiness of being a free bird, but I like to think that they are talking to each other just like we do. 

Well, as I was walking through this forest I noticed a path. Where did this path go? Why am I here? Along this path there were a few rabbits hopping around, some lizards crawling, and I could see a few snakes as well, slithering around, heading wherever they ended up. One rabbit was hopping, saying he was late for some important date, which I thought was very odd. “Where am I? Why am I here?” I asked myself again. Could this be a dream, or was it reality?

The farther I went on down this path, the more things I noticed. The sound of water flowing; and the smell that I cannot describe in words very well. It was kind of musky, maybe more like mildew or mold. As I kept in going, I realized I wasn’t in much of a forest at all. The water I heard and the smell I noticed was the Rio Grande River. I was in the Bosque. “What the __? Why am I here?”, again I asked. At this time I figured I would make my own path and headed in a different direction. This was cool because I had to climb a few congested areas to get through – full of sticks and shrubs.

After a while I found myself at a house. I didn’t think I had ever been there, but there were familiar things about this place, like the cleanliness, and the candles that I could see through the beautiful, black lacey curtains. The thing that was most familiar was the smell that lingered from the house, like a piece of Heaven bottled up and used as perfume. It was a smell I had smelled many times before, and there was the sound of music coming from inside the house. The song was sung by a woman, and the chorus said something like, “Somebody’s already got my heart, somebody’s already got my heart”. “Where am I, and why am I here”?, I said to myself again Really confused and wondering because this seemed so real, but not sure whether it was reality or a dream. “What should I do?”, I though in my head. Then finally I built up enough nerve and balls to knock on the door.

It only took a few seconds, and the music was lowered. I could hear the locks being unlatched. The door opened wide, and to my amazement the person who stood on the other side was the most beautiful person I had ever set eyes on, DRA. I remembered the smell, I knew the song, and I knew why the house was so clean with candles lit all around. I was not sure how to react. I was breath-taken and in awe. In front of me stood the most important person in my life, whom I had not seen for quite some time. The last time we saw each other we had some problems and argued a lot, but we loved each other deeply. We looked each other in the eyes, hugged, kissed, and said “I love you” to each other. We got comfortable and caught up on lost time. Where we both had been, we didn’t know.

But it finally hit me. D. was no longer there in my arms, I was no longer in the house, the smell had disappeared, and the music went mute. I looked around only to realize that I had just woken up. My orange shirt was hanging from a hook on the wall, there was a light that only turns off for about two hours a day, and I am very high off the floor in the top bunk in MDC. Fuck! It was all a dream. I was grateful though, because the dream was so real to me and I was able to spend those few short moments with D, in the midst of these long moments at MDC. Thank you Lord, maybe you can help me to have another visit with D next week. Oh, and could you tell her or let her know that I love her deeply? Thank you and goodnight.

Taking Chances

by Lawrence Jaramillo

Taking chances, Lord, what can I say? I’ve always taken chances. But, God, the chances I’ve taken always put me in messed up situations. I need help, my God, to help me discern the right chances to take from the wrong ones. I want to be able to make the right choices, the right decisions, and just go forward with a better way of life. The chances I would like to take, Lord, are those that would help me better my future, not just for me, but for D. and all of my family. Maybe a chance to help someone I don’t know to not go and make the same mistakes I have made. A chance to go to school for something good and not just go, like I had been doing. The chance to marry my girl – you know, just take that step. I pray Lord that you help me to take these kinds of chances. If they don’t work out help me to not get discouraged or depressed or even give up on myself. Help me Lord to strive for perfection in whatever I do, as if I’m doing it unto you Lord. Help D. to take the chances that will better her life as well. We all need the help sometimes Lord. I ask that all these men in this class find their way; find the chances that will help them become the men you made us all to be. I thank you for the chances – first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth chances. Maybe you could put it in the judges hearts to give us all at least one more chance to get things right. I have faith that we all can. Lord, especially with you on our side we sure can. With you for us who can be against us? Thanks for the chances I’ve already had in life, and thanks for those that haven’t come my way yet. I thank you for the chance to be in these classes while I’m in here, they really have made me have a good time or just be at ease while I am here in this messed up place. I guess what I am trying to say is help my love and me to make better choices with the chances we are given. That’s all I pray father, in Jesus’ name, Amen.