Luis M.
If You Really Knew Me You’d Know…
by Luis Martinez
There was no one around when I was hungry, there was no one around when I was being hurt. There was no one around when I needed money, there was no one around but myself. So, I had to do the things I did, like steal, lie and cheat; it became a better life. Soon I forgot about the painful life I lived and began with the new. I started stealing from stores, cars and people. Soon I was living in a different world, one I was comfortable in. I could get easy money and I didn’t have to suffer or put up with any of the pain that was caused by a junky mom or absent dad. I could finally take care of myself and provide for my brother and sister.
I got so caught up in that mentality that all the things I did seemed right until I came to jail this time. I started going to the Comienzos classes, and they brought up all of the issues in my past. At first I was really scared. The classes made me examine myself and I realized that I needed help because my way wasn’t working anymore, it just landed me in jail and then back out to do the same. I need therapy and counseling – jail hasn’t taught me anything other than how to pick up new habits.
I never had goals in my life until now. One is to raise my family right and to help kids so they don’t have to live the life I’ve lived.
Fear of My True Feelings
by Luis Martinez
I had to feel empowered so I started popping pills to get away from my feelings. Once I started this it seems like everything started falling apart. I started to distance myself from everyone. It hurt being near my family because I couldn’t talk to them. I couldn’t be by my girl because I couldn’t talk about my feelings because I was too high and didn’t care. I started popping more and more pills and drinking. I didn’t care about life anymore, just taking away the pain by popping painkillers.
Three days before being incarcerated I was almost killed by the pills. No time in jail will ever cure the pain or the scars that are unseen. The more time the deeper they get.
My Dear Brother
by Luis Martinez
Life is hard,
probably be easier dead.
Can't give up now brother,
it's time to lift your head.
I struggle and battle
with each and every day,
missing you and grandma,
and sometimes wishing I was dead;
but won't give up now, na...
not til God wills.
And even then, I'll still be hard to kill.
So don't give up now brother
for goodness sake.
Just kick it with the real, and
stay away from the fake.
So always stay true,
no matter what you do;
speak your mind in everything you do,
and remember something my dear brother:
I'll always love you.
Welcome
Shattered dreams and broken hearts.
Welcome to the place where
family and friends are torn apart.
Poor decision-making is the start,
from being set a world apart.
Welcome…
to the world of the imprisoned mind.
No longer will I believe the lies,
or my thoughts be despised.
It’s time for us as prisoners
to be free and rise.
But wait, it don’t mean to pick up the pills or pipe.
I’m asking you to look at yourself,
deep inside,
