My Life
Valentine’s Day
A day with candy, cards and hearts,
a day when you and your loved one don’t wanna be apart.
I wish I could be there to give you chocolate in a heart.
I’ll keep you on my mind
and always in my heart.
You’re the one I’ve cherished
ever since the very start,
and to the very end that’s how it will stay.
So as long as you wait for me
I’ll be home one day.
I love you so much and wanted to say
Untitled
by Lee Cagle
Every day is the same,
you’re known by one name –
Inmate.
People coming and going,
it’s a revolving door,
hating life when you check your books and
realize that you’re poor.
Waiting every day for a visit
or even a letter,
hoping everyone is doing great
and getting better.
Can’t wait ‘til you get out
so you and your family can be together.
Praying, hoping and all you do is think,
but life can pass you by faster than you can blink.
Wishing that you never had fucked up,
homies coming back from the street all sucked up.
Every day wanting to hear from or see my daughter,
thinking of ways to be a better father.
Every minute of every hour missing my wife,
Thinking of different ways I could have changed my life.
Trying every day not to cause my family strife.
Wanting to get out so very bad,
thinking back on my mistakes
gets me really fucking mad.
Then I realize I still have a chance
and I get a little glad.
I think about my brother dying,
then I get sad.
Think about my mom struggling with the bills,
my life goes up and down
like the Appalachian hills.
Having vivid dreams about my brother
gives me chills.
Promising my family when I get out
I’ll be a better man,
knowing in my heart I don’t even have a plan.
Hoping to get out with new beginnings,
hoping I can change even the little things.
Knowing I wasn’t there for my daughter’s birth
really stings.
Hoping that being here so long won’t harden my heart,
wishing I would’ve known this from the start.
Knowing that my daughter is growing up without a father
really tears me apart.
Knowing when I get out I got plenty of hearts to mend,
I have love for my family and peeps ‘til the very end.
Champions
by Gonzo
It’s a Saturday morning in 1981. The smell of freshly cut grass is in the air. The South Valley Little League is looking forward to the championship game of the 13-14 year old division. The field has been dragged and is ready, the mound is raked out and filled with fresh red clay dirt, and there is a new resin bag. The baselines are chalked, batters boxes set, and the on-deck circles are ready with bat weights and resin rags awaiting the first batters. Soon it would be game time.
The concession stand is stocked, popcorn’s popping, hot dogs are spinning and the burgers are on the grill. The deep fryers are hot and ready to put out orders of chili cheese fries. The scoreboards have been checked and the loudspeakers tested. Players from other divisions are here to root for their friends and check out the girls. At 2pm the crowd begins to pile in and players from my team, the Ravens, begin warming up and stretching in the outfield while the Royals take over the other field. The lineups are read, and we gather for a team prayer. It’s 4pm – game time, and we’re up first. After the Star Spangled Banner I hear, “Batter up”!
As the game begins it’s all a 13 year old could ask for – my own World Series. Can’t mess up now, all eyes are on my to start the rally.
I step up and decide at the last minute to go lefty and pull it to the left. Ball one, strike, okay, one and one, stay focused, here we go. It’s a hit! Line drive down the third base line, good for a stand-up double. It’s on, we can’t lose, no way.
It’s the bottom of the 9th, the Ravens have a 6-4 lead. The Royals have the tying run at the plate with one out and a man on 2nd. Troy is on the mound and the runner is leading off 2nd just a little to far, not realizing the catcher is signaling to pick him off. I come up behind the runner and Troy turns to see me, and throws. At the last moment the runner tries to run towards 3rd, and bam! We got him! The team goes nuts and the crown is on its feet.
Two outs and the batter is worried, it’s all riding on his shoulders now. There goes the pitch, and the batter hits a fly to right center. I’m yelling, “I got it, I got it!” and Gary hears me and stops as the ball descends into my sight. I can hear the other team yelling to try to distract me, and the crowd stomping on the bleachers. Now the whole world rests on my catching this small white ball, it’s red threads a blur as it drops towards me. My glove is open, and my eyes are glued to the ball as it gets closer and closer. I got it! Game over, we win! The team charges and dog-piles me as Queen sings “We are the Champions” over the loudspeakers.
The excitement of it all will forever keep me a champion even when I feel like life has thrown me three strikes. I will always come out victorious, and this, my friends, no jail or prison can cage, because I am a champion.
Be Like
by Bobby Casarez
I remember my little cousin’s birthday party at Peter Piper’s Pizza. All the family was there, but mostly I remember my cousin R__ and all the homies from 18th St. I was just a little kid, but I knew that out of all of them my cousin balled the hardest. I remember always seeing him with stacks of cash and jewelry. Out of all of his jewelry, I liked his gold rope the most. It hung down to his stomach and weighed a grip, or at least I thought so at the time. I remember he let me wear it and it made my neck slouch. I grew up wanting to be a baler like him, so I started selling crack.
Before that, I was just a kid in the Norte Valle, hanging out with my other cousin Ra__. When I was in middle school, every morning my older brother and I would wake up and get ready and start walking to school, but when we got to Candelaria, we would detour to my primos house. He would always blaze us out before and after school. He was one of the people I looked up to the most. I guess that’s why I’m from 14th St. - I wanted to be like him.
But now that I sit here and think about the people I admired, it really sucks because look at where they are and look at where wanting to be like them got me - in the same fucking place. They’re both in prison, one in feds and one in state, and I’m here at MDC waiting for a decent plea. I’ve already been down a year and counting. But all I can do is keep my head up and do my fucking time. Until the day I get my freedom back all I can do is wait and plan for the future outside these walls.
Alone
by Gonzo
It was cloudy and windy that mid-winter day. My aunt’s house was the last one on the block before the ditch. I was nine, my sister was 13, and our cousin was 11. As we sat in my mother’s ’69 Impala talking, we looked to the east, behind the trees towards a house where an old man lived. He was a sculptor; his work was just barely visible through a torn tarp blowing in the wind. We began to see the figure of a man locked in a cage, struggling to get out to get us. We locked the doors but were overcome with fear. The wind rocked the car and we screamed, ducking to hide only to be reminded that nobody knew we were out there. It began to hail, and the sound of it along with the wind created a howl that seemed like a voice coming to get me – a shriek that made my hair stand on end. The weeping willow looked like it could eat a person, the branches swaying back and forth wild with anger. It seemed to be telling me that it hated little kids, and would use its long, whip-like branches as fingers to reach out and snatch me up. My fear only heightened as the darkness came and the sky was a mass of emotions that only grew emptier as I looked deeper into myself and found that I was completely alone.
Escaping to the Ranch
by Gonzo
Well, another day in MDC. F6 got locked down; makes me wonder why I turned myself in. I get to hear the war stories about people twice as young as me. I hear the sounds of the t.v. shows, and the doors slamming; people yelling from room to room. I have to get to that place in myself where I find the quietness and peace to keep me sane. I hear the sound of the wind blowing through the trees at the ranch, the smell of fresh-cut pine trees. The sound of the fireplace, a fire roaring, wood popping. The cry of the coyotes in the far distance, dogs barking at the moon. The peace of the mountain life. The night sky is full of twinkling little lights so close you could almost reach up and touch them. A light falling out of the sky leaving a trail of dust behind it, leaving you with a wish in mind…but I find myself here, doing time. But if only for a moment, I can escape to my ranch.
Hard Time
by Izzy Traiger
My life as a youngster runnin’ the streetz,
Chillin' with my homies, causing mads of heat,
breaking windows, stealing candy, fighting in the street,
I was 11 back then, I’m 19 standing tall on my feet.
I’ve caused a lot of drama and bothered a lot of people, been in and out of detention treatment, foster care, and plenty more programs, but all I’ve been though is what made me the man that I am.
Things get rough and I get stressed,
But I man up and put myself to the test.
The biggest stumble I’ve had in crime
Has me in cell 22, F-6 MDC doing Hard Time.
The Creek
by Gonzo
Allowing myself to listen to others helps me to examine myself and apply the different things I’ve heard, and grow in a way you can only understand if you’ve been where I’ve been.
I hear the water flow from upstream over the little beaver dams. I feel the coolness of the wind on my face as I cast my line to the other side of my favorite fishing hole, waiting for a bite. I see Mr. Beaver swimming, building his wet and watery kingdom. In turn he helps the fisherman to catch his food as his dam creates the pond that will hold the fish in place. A snake slithers across the surface of the water towards the fish in my basket, but only succeeds in finding its’ demise as I protect my catch with one gunshot. As a hawk circles it’s prey and keeps me at bay I am reminded of just how wonderful life really is. Nature is at it’s finest, and as I sit here at Coyote Creek life’s little worries can’t get me down. I let them flow downstream.
My Strengths
by Lee Cagle
My strengths in life range from a whole different variety of stuff, from being married to graduating from high school. I am very proud of myself when I accomplish something that is important to me, and I also feel that that is a strength. I do have faith in God, but I’m not perfect—no man is! I have lived on the streets so I believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Obviously I have gotten into trouble with the law—I’m in Jail! I’ve also seen hard times, like I’m pretty sure everyone has. I got married back in August. I consider that a strength. My family is probably one of my biggest strengths.
The One
by Izzy Traiger
The one I desire and the one I have fun with,
the one I go to dinner with and the one I did drugs with,
the one that makes me smile,
the one that makes me laugh,
the one that helped change my life,
is the one that makes me sad.
I’m locked in my cell worried about the one,
nobody to run or look too, my dreams are now done,
and now that I’m stressed and in pain,
she don’t ever care,
the one I loved so much gave up and isn’t there.
Life
by Bobby Casarez
Walking down this path called life, with so many distractions in the way of completing this walk successfully. The drugs, the money, and women all involved in this game of deception – what is real and what is fake? Me personally, I have a very fucking hard time telling what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. I can’t tell the difference. Is something wrong just because other people think it is? But what if more people think it’s right? Who is anyone to judge someone else? If anybody should judge someone, it should be you who judges yourself in the perspective of what you think is wrong and right. So don’t let anyone judge you for the things you do, because nobody has the right, especially those who are hired to do so like DA’s and judges. You are your own person! If you like weed, meth, crack, or maybe your fix is chiva it still doesn’t make you a bad person. Life is too short to live by another person’s rules, so fuck them and their criticism. So I think if you walk the most comfortable and satisfying path, even if it involves drugs, money, and materialistic stuff, life is truthfully one big game and I’m put here to enjoy both the pros and the cons of it. I have no choice but to endure this fucked up life while it lasts, hopefully it doesn’t last forever…and if it does how do I want to keep living it? In here locked up like an animal, or like a normal person? So what do I do? There’s so many things that make me want to stay the way I am and there’s so many good influences that make me want to change. But it’s hard when so many people judge me for the things I do and have done. There are so many influencing me to do bad things, but my conscience still comes into play sometimes. I hardly listen to it anymore. I seem to have become a bit impulsive in these last 7 years. I feel like I’ve lost so much and gained so little. I have gained many stories to tell about the things I’ve done and made and the people I’ve lost. When I’m free sometimes I catch myself wondering why my life is so fucked up and complicated. Is it meant to be like this or did I make it like this? I just don’t know. I’m lost in this fucked up place people call life. I call it hell.
I Thought Wrong
by Izzy Traiger
My dreams have been crushed
My freedom has been taken away
I lost myself
I’m sad
No more support
I’m angry and disappointed in
Myself.
No love
I have feelings
I want a chance to change.
I hate this life
I’m sorry!
Work
by Jonathan Ray
wake up when its dark
the smell of coffee
cold water on my face
letting me know I'm alive
putting on my work boots
grabbing my tools
kissing my daughter good bye
arrive at work 5 minutes early
knowing i'm on time
the smell of saw dust
hammers beating
nail guns sitting the past
not having a care in the world
but not smashing a finger
94 rock is keeping me moving
faster and faster
my day is done
proud to say I earned my paycheck.
new rides and lolo's
by
many cars being done up
starting with frames being
redone, re-fabricated, re-conditioned.
air ride, Hydros, on 62's, 63's and 64's.
lacs and lexos, drippin wet paint
when I lay the candy
paint spinning on shantis
and vouges while re-doing the inside stylo with
headrests and screens with
the new boxes hitting bumping the sound
so I can hit downtown
so I got 3-5-7 on a modular
spinning
with the 6 in the chrome
