Ruben P.

The Person I Love Most

by Ruben Padilla

I am writing about Dad, because he took care of me. I was 9 years old when I left to go live with him. My mom gave me that choice, so I never left his sight. He was a good dad and perfect friend to me. He taught me how to do everything, he took me to church and he taught me how to live on the street. My dad was always there for me but now he’s not. I miss my friend and my rock.

He died in 2007 of cancer. It was hard the day he passed away. I ended up in jail so I never got the chance to say goodbye. I just remember what Dad asked of me – to stop using drugs, and I told him “I promise”, and I tried. I just haven’t been able to keep my promise, but still I try. I use but not all the time…but no more, I’m done with that, so I am going to stay away from drugs and drinking.

Well, I am going to tell you a little bit about my dad. His name was Candido Padilla. Before I was born he played the guitar in the bar. My dad had several records out. Then he met my mom, Maria Baca, from Santa Fe. I don’t know much about their relationship before I was born. I know they met in the bar, then they got married and had me. I was my dad’s only son. He stopped playing in the bar when he found out my mom was pregnant with me. He went and got a job with Albuquerque Public Schools and worked there for 24 years. He retired from there. I remember when I was a boy Dad started a Christian band. We used to do a lot of traveling around with the band during the time that Dad was sober, for about 5-7 years. We were all very happy, my mom, dad, and me, back then.

My dad lost mom; that was his downfall. He started drinking again; he took it very hard. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. That’s when my dad gave up on a lot; he didn’t want to do anything with his band or with church. That sucked, because I liked it. It was a lot of fun when my dad was there. With my dad drinking, he and mom did started fighting a lot, so they made the choice to separate. I was around 9 years old when that happened. I went to live with Dad. I learned and saw a lot. I was 10 years old when my Dad and I moved to the Aztec Motel on Central. I saw things there I never would have imagined; I learned about drugs, hookers, stabbing, drinking, shooting, and saw a dead body lying by the dumpster.

My mom told Dad that he had to get me out of that motel room or she was going to take me away from him. So that’s when Dad and I got our first apartment at Phoenix Apartments. That’s where I met Vanessa. She’s my baby’s mom. She already had a one year old son named AJ, and I feel love for that little boy so I have raised him for 16 years. Our baby’s name is Champagne. She was Dad’s only grandbaby besides AJ. My dad called her Champ. When my dad found out Vanessa was going to have a baby, I told him I would take care of her. But I was too young to get a job, so Dad introduced me to one friend from the Mexican Mafia. He had my dad to selling drugs for them. That was the first time I learned that Dad was clicked up. When I started selling drugs, I pushed a lot of weed. I moved around 150 pounds of weed little by little. Then I started selling meth, coke, mushrooms, acid, and guns, and went strong for like two years. Then I started using crack, and little by little I began losing everything.

When finally our family lost all that we had, I saw myself strung out and saw so many years lost that could have been spent with my dad. Those are the years I wish I could change. It was very hard to see my dad start to use. At first I wouldn’t use with him, and for a few years I refused. I started using drugs with my dad when he was around 60 years old. The first time I used crack with Dad I had the worst feelings in the world. But at the time I didn’t care. I just wanted to get high. Then little by little I started to see my dad fall away from us. He started to get skinny, then started to spit blood. That was the first sign that he was sick.

I remember I would beg him to go to the doctor, but he wouldn’t. He told me that if I stopped using drugs he would go, but I was too selfish. The only thing I would think about was me, so he just kept getting worse. He started spitting big chunks of blood. When that happened he would hide it from us until one day I caught him. That’s when I realized that I had to do something about it. So I sat down with him to talk about it and he told me that the only thing he wanted was for me to stop using.

At the age of 24 I got introduced to heroin. That was the biggest mistake in my life. I was on and off for six years, and at the same time I was on Methadone. That destroyed my parents. Then one time I overdosed on heroin. I remember I had just gotten out of jail. When I woke up I saw a cop standing over me, and I told him, “I guess I’m going back to jail”. Then I looked at my dad and saw a very scared look on his face. But I didn’t stop until it was too late.

I feel that maybe if I had stopped when I first started to see my dad spit up blood maybe I would still have my best friend and Dad. If I had just quit being selfish maybe I’d have my friend that I love so much, Candido A. Padilla.